Ok so there I was didi-bopping along with my life in a reasonably happy way when “things” started happening. I had always been fairly intuitive, but as I got older I guess I kind of went into denial and put my intuition down to “instinct” or “gut-feeling”. Oh, the irony of not knowing where my intuition would lead me!
About three years ago I guess (I can’t remember the exact moment) I started to notice more and more coincidences happening in my life than usual. I’d know who was ringing me before I picked up the phone, I started to think of people just before the elevator doors opened and see them standing there, little subtle things like that. Then there were the odd synchronicities. I’d hear certain words or phrases for the first time in years that would then be repeated several times in a week for no particular reason.
I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was so tired all the time, and what’s this damn ringing in my ear? I started to lose interest in going out with mates, and would prefer some quiet time alone because of THIS DAMN RINGING IN MY EAR. My eyesight fluctuated between blurry and myopic and my muscles hurt and I got the shingles and I started crying at the drop of a hat over stupid ads on TV with puppies and toilet paper and when someone won a cooking competition and I thought “Oh no, I’ve caught the gay or something, but WHAT IS THIS DAMN RINGING IN MY EAR?” I suddenly and annoyingly started waking up at 3am, every damned morning even after way too much to drink the night before. My muscles still hurt, my eyesight was shot, I could barely stay awake during the day even though I still woke up at 3am sharp and THIS DAMN RINGING IN MY EAR IS GETTING WORSE!!!
Did I go to the doctor? No. Why not? Because I am a man, and men don’t go to the doctor unless they think they’re having a heart attack, silly. And that’s about when the heart palpitations started and I went to the doctor. ECG, blood tests, MRI, whatever. The diagnosis was that physically there was nothing wrong with me but I have to give up the booze and smokes anyway. I must remember to do that one day.
Work was becoming unbearable. I could no longer stand the routine dreariness of it, and I was tired of the same faces, the same mini-dramas, the same…same. I needed to get out. I needed change, so I did what every sane person does and quit my six-figure job and went to Sierra Leone. Yes, that Sierra Leone like in Blood Diamond with Leo D’Cappucino or whatever where they chop people’s hands off.
Oh, don’t get me wrong. I didn’t go there for some hippy new-agey finding myself reason or anything, I went to start another job helping a mate who was already working there. It was an adventure, and the way he sold it to me was by telling me that not only would I have a job, but that I would be helping to rebuild a war-torn and heart-broken country along the way. That’s always nice to be able to do small things like that I’ve found in life. You see, that was something else that was happening to me; I was starting to become more…spiritual. I was thinking more and more often about my reason for being. I had this uncanny sense of “mission” in that I knew I had something to do, I just had no idea what it was. I began to become interested in the universe. I bought a telescope and downloaded various audiobooks on multiverse theory and parallel dimensions and how to talk to angels and string theory and wait what? How to talk to … angels? Let’s forget that one for now shall we?
Sierra Leone was rotten to the core. Corrupt and broken in so many ways. Running water that barely walked, electricity as long as the hamsters kept running on the wheels that powered the station two countries away, beautiful beaches covered in the detritus of mankind. It was like looking at a mug-shot of a once famous and handsome TV star who has given themselves over to the booze and drugs. Can we fix it? No, it’s fucked. But the people… They have such heart, and such courage. After the civil war ended and the scumbag that started it all for financial gain was arrested, the people chose to forgive those that had committed unspeakable atrocities. They chose not to hold trials, or blame, or seek revenge. As a country, they chose to forgive and move on. That is what is referred to as “Love.”
I lasted seven weeks. I had caught some sort of mega-Africa ‘flu that was a combination of ebola and bubonic plague. At least that’s what I was telling myself. Turns out I didn’t even have malaria, which is as common over there as catching a winter cold but twice the fun. No-one knew what I had, as once again I had a heap of tests. “Nothing wrong with you, give up booze and smokes”. Nice.
After a few weeks back home recovering I was due to return to Sierra Leone, but I knew that was not where I was meant to be, so I informed them I wouldn’t be coming back and started contemplating what to do next. My passing interest in the universe had now become almost an obsession. I was constantly standing outside at night looking up at the stars. I was home, but I was homesick. The sense of mission was getting stronger and stronger but the bank account was getting lower and lower so I contacted my old work and they gave me my old job back. I thought perhaps things might return to normal, but deep down I knew I had changed, and that something big was about to happen.
I returned to my old job and tried to fit in, and I did fit in. On the surface anyway. Inside I felt more relaxed, more serene I suppose than I used to be. I had cut down considerably on boozing with mates after work. Some friends I simply let slip away from my life. People that I had known for years. It just didn’t seem important to see them anymore, and truthfully, I felt no sense of loss about it. I spent more and more time watching space docos on TV, and reading, and searching. I had an insatiable quest for knowledge about the cosmos and strangely, angels. “Angels??” I hear you say. Yes. Angels. “Them fluffy things who give messages from God and stuff?” Yes. Them. “You’re fucking nuts!” I hear you say. And for a while there I might have agreed with you.
Months went past. By now I had got used to the physical ailments and was just putting the whole thing down to getting older, or it must be the cold/hot weather, or I should give up the booze and smokes, that might work (never found out), but the spiritual symptoms wouldn’t let up. By now I was experiencing synchronicities on a daily basis. My intuition was getting stronger, to the point where I could see in my mind things that were about to happen, and although I would never describe myself as clairvoyant (which is the wrong term anyway I’ve since learned) I could “sense” people’s souls. (that’s a hard one to ignore). And the mission. Always the sense of mission.
That’s when I started getting scared. I could no longer deny to myself that something out of the ordinary was occurring in that either I was imagining it and I needed medical help, or that it was really happening in which case I needed spiritual help. Either way I needed help. So I asked for help. I prayed. For the first time since I had left school I prayed. And the angels heard my prayer.
“You have three new messages in your inbox”. Click. Want a bigger dick? Click. Delete. Click. Nasty Natasha wants to send you pictures. Click. Delete. Click. You may also be interested in this Intuitive group in your area. Click. Del…wait…Click…..hmm…yes, yes I am interested. How did they know that? Oh, yeah…DUH!
“You have two new messages in your junk folder”. Click. Want a bigger dick? Click. But how the fuck did they know that?
So along I go to see these so-called “intuitives” with a healthy sense of scepticism and a healthier sense of hangover from a mate’s 50th the night before and that’s when I saw her. The most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life. She radiated. She glowed. She lit up the room with soft, gentle light. And the angels whispered “We’ve sent you one of us”.
I was quite literally breathless, but I couldn’t just stand there gaping, so I introduced myself (I was the only bloke amongst half a dozen women) and sat down. She introduced herself first, followed by the other ladies, but I was never going to remember their names, only hers (bless, ladies. I can’t forget you now though!) and she asked why I was there. To be honest I can’t remember what I said, but I remember the knowing glances and smiles being passed between the group as I told my story. We went round the table sharing experiences and I was given offers of much welcomed guidance and support. My sense of relief must have been almost palpable. Finally I had met people who understood. People who I needn’t be afraid of. People that wouldn’t deride me, or want to put me in a hospital. They were just people who knew. Intuitively.
One of the ladies asked me about my physical symptoms (she was a nurse) and for the first time I heard the term “Kundalini” which I proceeded to immediately forget since I was so busy thinking about the angel in the room. We all had coffee and chatted and laughed (true laughter, from the belly, the type that makes one fart accidentally). It was one of the happiest days of my life.
After the meeting I went home and things seemed to return to semi-normality. I was still fatigued all the time and every day seemed to bless me with something else falling apart, but curiously the ringing in my ears had stopped. By now my spiritual side had evolved so that I accepted (or re-accepted after years of not giving it a thought) the existance of some sort of higher being and told myself that the ringing was obviously the message to seek out the group, and now that I had done that I could follow that path to what may come. I was slightly wrong on that front. By slightly I mean astoundingly. I had no idea my life was about to change forever.
Now before I describe what happened, let me assure you that I had until this point never been particularly spiritual. I have never meditated, or fasted, or Yoga’d or anything of that nature. I was raised as a Catholic by not very religious parents because the Catholics had the best school in the area. I went along to mass and said the Hail Marys and all that sort of thing while I was at school, but I drifted away as soon as I left and never had much more to do with any sort of religion other than a lingering sense of faith that something must be out there, somewhere. So what happened next was not something I had been seeking on some long life-journey. At least not in this life.
When I woke up that morning (3am, cheers) I was feeling slightly anxious. Nothing unusual in that these days. My legs seemed a bit wobblier than normal and my old mate the ear-ringing had returned with a vengeance about a week earlier. I now referred to it as “Tone”. I had the day off work but I knew I wouldn’t be able to face the outside world that day so I’d just potter around doing fun stuff like cleaning the house. I was getting more and more anxious as the day wore on with no idea why. I wanted desperately to talk to Her, but I didn’t know what I would say without sounding completely mental. I rang a person describing themself as a “healer” on the net in my area, but when I started talking I did indeed sound completely mental and I pretty much hung up on them. I eventually sat down for a bit of a break. Just as I was starting to relax Tone intensified. Before I knew it I was standing up again. My feet were wide apart and my back was arching backwards as my muscles went into spasm. My arms were out beside me pointing out and towards the floor (the letter N in semaphore if you care to look). I felt a sense of knocking on the soles of my feet as if someone were hitting them with a rubber mallet. Then it started. From the base of my spine I felt an uncoiling. A warm, almost hot sensation of something climbing up towards my shoulders using my spine as a ladder. First one step, and the muscle on that side would tense, then the other. Slowly step by step, one side at a time. It was intensely sensual. Not erotic, but sensual. It was a loving feeling, not entirely comfortable but I wouldn’t describe it as painful either. At the same time this was happening I could feel my arms stretching out and an energy make its way slowly down my arms towards my hands from my shoulders. Once again the muscles seemed to spasm as the energy reached them on its way towards my hands. My hands themselves were becoming hotter and hotter to the point where they felt like balls of pure energy. There was nothing visual about this. I saw no sparks or vivid colours or anything as dramatic, it was all in silence. The energy climbing up my spine had by now reached to between my shoulder blades where it seemed to “slip” around my spine towards the inside of my body whereupon the sensation disappeared. My arms and hands lasted a few seconds longer and I still had the sensual “glow” in the muscles in my back. At this stage I was still standing. Whatever had just happened seemed to have finished almost as quickly as it started. Tone had gone back to normal level, if not a bit lower, so I went to bed and slept. Until 3am.
Still to come:
Kundalini, Awakening, Angels, Arcturians, Quantum physics, Multiverse, Parallel Dimensions plus loads more and how they are all connected to Love. Unconditional Love.